I've woken early. Lying here I feel an unfamiliar hollow pressure in my gut. What is this? Fear? Anxiety? Tension? "Tense apprehension" seems to fit. I'm lying here in the early hours of the morning, a hollow tense apprehension in my belly. And it isn't surprising. Pretty normal in fact as I move closer & closer to major surgery. Consciously. By my own decision. On this journey, travelling down the "kidney donation river", I can hear the roar of the approaching rapids. Surgery soon. It's a pretty standard, basic, healthy response to tense a bit as I move towards the crux, possibly the most intense section of this "donation river". And I don't have to tighten the rest of my body around the belly apprehension. I can let go, loosen in my arms, my face. It's OK. Nothing to do right now.